Too often we see women with a real fear of putting themselves out there in case they are wrong. Or too scared to put their hand up for a promotion in case they don’t get it. Or for asking for something just in case they are told ‘no’. Does this sound like you? Then read on…
When I was a new manager, I participated in a wonderful leadership development program that changed my view of myself and the world around me. One of the things I learned was that everyone (ok, most people) suffer from a level of impostor syndrome – that nagging doubt that what you have achieved is a result of good luck, good timing, or is in fact a mistake and it’s just a matter of time before the world around you notices that you are a fake.
In the years since, I have met many high performing executives who display this persistent fear of being exposed as ‘not good enough’ and despite clear evidence of their competence, they seem convinced that they do not deserve the success they have achieved.
The research on this phenomenon tells us that impostor syndrome is particularly common among high-achieving women and my personal experiences working with numerous female leaders reinforces this.
Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes have written a wonderful paper on ‘The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women’. In it, they tell of numerous amazingly credentialed, high-achieving women who suffer terribly from thinking of themselves as impostors. One story that particularly struck me was a women with two Master’s degrees, a PhD, and numerous professional publications (awesome right?!) who considered herself unqualified to teach remedial college classes in her field!
One women they studied stated,
‘I was convinced that I would be discovered as a phoney when I took my doctoral examination…In one way, I was relieved at this prospect because the pretence would finally be over. I was shocked when I was told that my answers were excellent and that my paper was one of the best they had ever seen’.
Now these are extreme examples, but the underlying issue is all too common. The fear ‘of being discovered’ is ever-present so the person works incredibly hard, over a long time, to prevent discovery. This pays off in excellent performance and approval from authority, which reinforces the cycle. Exhausting preparation rituals often guarantee overt success, but the feelings of satisfaction or comfort are short lived because the underlying belief of pretence remains. How exhausting.
So if you have a case of the ‘not good enoughs’, here are 5 ways to get out of your own way and overcome impostor syndrome:
- Tune in to your rituals: What do you do to prepare for important meetings and what are you telling yourself? How many hours pre-work are you putting in? Are you trying to cover for every single question that could be asked of you? Are you looking for perfection?
- Choose your mindset: Shift to a strength-based mindset ‘I will do well in this meeting’ rather than the fear inducing ‘I may fail’. After a successful meeting where you have used your strength-based mindset use this data point to help you in the future to undo your fear based ritual of predicting failure.
- Think about all of the people you think you have ‘fooled’: Write a list and then (out loud) tell them how you fooled, conned or tricked them. Then (yes, again out loud) respond in the way you honesty think each person would respond. Would they agree with you that they were fooled, tricked and had the wool pulled over their eyes? Or might they think that you’re actually giving yourself too much credit and that they, thank-you-very-much, were in full knowledge of your limitations but thought you were ready for your next challenge/project/promotion despite your imperfections?
- Write down the positive feedback you have received: And then write down how you feel about it – in your old way of thinking. You will probably find ways of not genuinely accepting this feedback, thinking it was luck, the situation, the team, and many other factors. Then do the opposite, take in the positive feedback and get as much nourishment as possible out of it. Consider all the things you did to deserve the feedback, honestly believe that the giver meant what they said and understood the multiple factors at play. Bask in the sunshine of the feedback and really let it into your defences (Cue: ‘Let the Sunshine in’). Again use this as data-points of your success when you need it in the future.
- Reach out for help: Everyone has a support network, you just need to reach out to engage it. It might be your Employee Assistance Program (EAP), a trusted friend or coach, or in some cases, it may be professional psychological intervention and support, if your fears and doubts are impacting your ability to function well. Be brave and reach out for the help you need.
Shannon Lyndon-Lugg is is a mama to two lovely children and the founder of Lyndon Lugg Consulting, With expertise in human resources, leadership development, diversity and performance, Shannon works with companies to improve leadership, inclusion and diversity, culture and performance.